Warning, I’m a little irritated. I’m blogging about this because I believe it is so important. I am hoping to turn my irritation into inspiration. Humor me, would you?
Do You Know What Your Husband Does?
I am simply astounded that many women have no clue what their husband does for a living. We know he leaves each morning, where his office is located, his title, maybe general information about his field, and whether he makes it home “on time” at night, but fail to understand his job, what he actually does during the day, and where he is excelling or struggling at any given moment in his career. I have seen this often in busy, intelligent, women who work at home but have also witnessed this with extremely driven and smart women who have high-stakes careers outside of the home.
When did it become ok to say, “I know he works hard, but I just do not understand what he does, so I quit trying long ago.” WHAT?!?!? Seriously??? That is such a cop out. You are his WIFE! There is only one of you. You signed up for better or for worse. You are a gift to your husband, his best friend, his confidant, but you have checked out of one of the most crucial areas of his life.
Let’s all wake up to the reality that most of our husbands spend more time during the day away from us than they do with us, working for us and our families, to provide for us and love us through their work. And many men have attached their identity to their career. To not understand our husband’s identity (whether we agree with it or not), is a crucial miss in our marriages.
I also know that this phenomenon also highlights a lot of insecurities we have as women. We may feel insecure about our choices to work inside or outside the home, our intelligence, our vocabulary, our math skills, or our understanding of the world. But, we must press through this. If we do not understand something, we must make the choice to ask. Let me introduce you to my friends Google and Wikipedia. They are available 24/7 for your asking and research pleasure. 🙂 You may just impress that husband of yours!
Here’s An Example:
Last year, my husband came home using words I had never heard of before. Scrum? Agile Software? It was such a foreign language to me. I had to make a choice in that moment to either check out and nod my head, or dive in and try and understand. It took a few tries for him to explain it, but I think I have a clear enough grasp now to follow him in a conversation about it. And you know what? He used those words in almost every conversation after work for months. If I checked out the first time, I can almost guarantee he would not have discussed it with me since. He is working on a huge project right now and I now can empathize with his struggles and celebrate the small incremental victories with him.
So please, for the health of your marriage, start asking questions and try to understand what your husband does. I am not saying that this is going to be easy. If he has a PHD or doctorate in finance or medicine or nuclear physics, it may be a lot more complicated to learn, but at least start somewhere. You do not have to understand the fine details of a math formula or the chemistry makeup of his latest research project, but start somewhere and tune in your brain to your husband’s mind and heart.
A Little Note To Husband’s:
Take the time to explain things to your wife. It may take longer than your would like because she is not in “that world,” but give her the benefit of the doubt. If you are that smart, you surely must have made a smart decision and married an intelligent woman! Encourage her questions and her quest to get to know you and your career. What you do matters, both at home and at work. You are a team and together is better. And do this for her as well. Ask about her job, whether it is her fast paced corporate career, her work from home venture, her daily job of changing diapers, paying bills, homeschooling kids or running carpool. Each of you deserves to be known and understood.
Join The Conversation: What are some questions that you can ask (or want to be asked) about what your spouse does every day? You can leave a comment by clicking here.