What You DON’T Do Matters

I have hated the question “what do you do?” for years.  How am I supposed to answer that?  When ordinary days are filled with very ordinary tasks without a good name for them, it can quickly feel like an accusation.  It literally makes me want to hide.  When I was at home in my twenties without a career or kids, it was especially devastating.  I could not even use the term “Stay at Home Mom!”

Now that a good majority of my friends have kids in school, I have noticed a whole new level of vehemence for that question.  It is usually phrased “what are you going to do now?” (when their baby goes off to kindergarten.) Cue the anxiety. When kids transition to school, it seems like women frantically run around trying to figure out who they are and what they do so no one catches them off guard with that question.  We all know the question is coming eventually, and if we do not have a career to default to, it can cause us to wrestle with discontentment in being at home.

Maybe it sounds like this:

“Now that the kids are all in school, I have to figure out something to make myself look busy, or my husband is going to demand I get a full time job! But I still really want to be home if they need me, and especially when they get home from school.”

“My kids are old enough to take care of themselves and I wonder what everyone thinks I do all day. Maybe I should work, but I really want to be home. I get so stressed out when I’m working and trying to keep up with everything at home.”

If you are looking for hope in continuing to stay home and you have the financial freedom to do so, can I just tell you, that what you DON’T do matters? Like really matters?

Consider this:
  • You are ESSENTIAL to your household and you would be paying a crew of people 6 figures to do all that you do.
  • You free up your spouse to work hard and worry less about anything at home.
  • You provide a welcoming safe haven for your family from a long day at work and school.
  • You increase the likelihood of family dinners around the table, which has been shown to be important to everyone’s overall health.
  • You keep everything operational at home and you make your resources go further.
  • You are less stressed and emotionally preoccupied with things outside of your home so you are available for any needs inside your home that your family may have. Something that is lacking in many homes today.
  • You are a constant presence and peace of mind to your family.
  • You have the opportunity to pursue your dreams without the added pressure of a career.
  • You have the freedom to manage your time and invest in the things most dear to you.
  • Your success at home has a direct correlation to the success of your family members.  You possess immense influence over their lives.
 So, if you need permission or encouragement to continue to stay home, don’t forget that what you don’t do matters more than you may give yourself credit for. You are the glue that holds together your high-impact life.

Please be sure to read the complimentary post What You Do Matters tomorrow.

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4 thoughts on “What You DON’T Do Matters

  1. This is SO true!! We all need to remind ourselves, especially on the days when we feel like our “plan” never even had a chance. Love your topics and writing style. Thanks!!

  2. I’m close to there- and maybe a wee bit to eager to send that last one off…i know, i know, I won’t get the time back, they are all growing up fast— believe me with my oldest starting middle next year I know it goes fast. But after four children and lots and lots of noise, I’m still a little to anxious to have them all in school. I haven’t really though of being asked questions yet and actually don’t feel pressure to do so. My problem is desiring something new to do, but having no idea what that actually is. I seriously have no idea what I want to be “when I grow up”. And I had a successful career previously. Maybe its seeing the top of the hill as far as kids being in school or maybe it is the top of the hill because I turn 40 in March…. but whatever it is I wish I could just let go and trust God with it better. Meanwhile- I’m obsessing in all my nonexistent free time.

    • You are so on the right path Elizabeth and you are one EXCELLENT Mom. I’m excited to see where this next year and next season takes you and for all that you get to enjoy this year with E. It’s incredibly difficult to figure out what’s next and I’m not sure we ever stop. I really enjoyed Restless by Jennie Allen for that exact reason. You can find it on the Solutions page under Books.

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